ready? or not.

braxton hicks can kiss my butt.
stronger, harder, closer, longer. - sounds dirty, somewhat racy. but no, quite the opposite.
I have been in pain, and I know it's just a little taste of what's to come.
Of course when I'm in pain, I tell Casey. His response is always the same. "You'll be okay."
FYI- He wasn't able to be present at Lainey's birth because of his service to this great country. I've been trying to "prep" him for this whole labor experience we're about to go through. I'm sure he'll know how to handle it when the time comes, but if I hear one single "You'll be okay", he'll probably find his self sitting in the hall. Anyways, I figure he knew what to expect. I mean woman screams, pushes, & hello baby. It's not really a hard concept to grasp, but a part of me knew he wasn't really thinking of all the graphic stuff. So, last night I sit him down. "Casey, will you watch a birth video so you wont get in the room & freak out." He just looked at me like are you serious? I said please, it's really important to me. Inside, I was laughing like crazy. So I pull up babycenter.com - 3 videos. - Natural birth, Epidural Birth, & Emergency C-section.
They had Twins, Triplets, Water birth. But i felt lucky getting him to agree to just one. So, I only asked him to watch the ones with situations that could possibly happen to us. Im not too sure what part he was watching specifically, but I saw his eyes go wide. I didn't ask his opinion until the end of the 3rd video & he looked at me with the most pitiful face ever & said "Ricki, Do I have to watch anymore?" Poor thing.
I asked him what he thought. "I might throw up, I think I need to sit down & drink some water."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How are you gonna handle this in real life?!! What'd he think it was like? Glitter and cookies?? About an hour later as we were giving Lainey her bath he says "Birth is a really big deal huh? I don't know if I'm gonna be able to handle it."  - Deep inside me I wish I could see a visual image of what he was expecting before these videos. - I said "Casey, all you have to do is stand there. I'm gonna need you to man up & handle this. It's MY crotch thats about to endure this." He didnt really say anything for awhile. We get in bed & he says "I'm kindof glad it's you & not me." & then proceeds to kiss my forehead. -Boy,Boy,Boy. This is about to be some kind of experience. What I would give to video this whole thing. Me & him, alone in a hospital room, about to birth a child.
Needless to say, We already have a list of rules. Number one being, under no circumstance whatsoever, is he allowed to say "You'll be okay." I calculate birth to be about 2-3 weeks away. So please, pray for my husband  & I. - This is about to be a life changer.

update.

We are back from our trip home. Now it is time to get in gear for Mr.Lenix, because ready or not, he is on his way! I can't believe Im less than a month away from being a mother to two beautiful children. I never in a million years imagined this would be my life. No kids. No marriage. No airforce. & definitely No North Dakota. But here I find myself, blessed by the grace of God & so happy my heart is bursting with joy. I wont lie though, I am absolutely terrified. Terrified of labor, a c-section, epidural, & honestly I'm terrified to have two children to take care of. Just a mere two years ago I was gone with the wind & couldn't even take care of myself. I'm not really sure why God picked me to have these little miracles as my children. He could've given them to a fully deserving upper middle class family who's been trying to have children for years, but cant. Why me? I'll never know the answer to that, & I couldn't be happier that it was me who was blessed with them. My life is now completely devoted to keeping their bellys full & keeping a smile on their faces. Not only them, but my husband as well. Saturday will be our 1st anniversary!! He's mentioned it several times this week & has already found us a babysitter. Which makes me glow with happiness because he's not the "romantic type". Not even hardly. But the fact that he's the one that has mentioned it so much just lets me know that it does matter to him. I would be happy just to sit here at home with him & Lainey. Him wanting to actually take his whale of wife (35 weeks pregnant) somewhere makes me a happy girl. This probably will be our last alone time before his deployment. With Lenix on the way, family visiting & just our everyday ruckus, I'm sure this will be our last time to just enjoy a minute of breathing time together for months & months.
We had pictures taken when we went home on leave. Lainey wasn't cooperative, of course. Over 200 pictures & she smiled in 4. Really?? But anywho, I'm super thankful just to have one decent one of the 3 of us.I guess it doesnt really matter if she was smiling or not because  in a month they wont be sufficient, anymore since number 4 will be here. Here's some of my favs.

reminiscing.

the past post really had me thinking about the day I had Lainey. Just so much raw emotion. these are some pictures that make it feel like it was this morning. My hair was a mess, I didnt have one of those c-section planned, put make up on for pictures births. It amazes me in almost everysingle picture I never stopped looking at her. I was so caught up in her beauty & still am to this day. 

The very first time I ever held my sweet baby. My whole life changed in that second.

this was like 3 minutes after she was born. 

Telling Casey how beautiful she was/

i was the proudest momma.

even with people all around, i still couldnt stop looking at her.

this night she was crying & was handed to me. she instantly stoopped. my hair was horrible. but when you have naturally curly hair, the last thing you wanna do after birthing a child is spend an hour straightening hair.

meeting mom's friends.

meeting her great grandmother. 

nonnie.

chacha.

including my dads belly, this is a picture of 4 generations. 

she puts the best in friend. 

pain medicine? cousin kaitlyn.

meeting papow shane.  his first grandbaby.

meeting aunt kaley.