my baby is no longer a baby.

i have dishes to do. & laundry that needs to be put up.

but they can wait. it has been two weeks since my last blog entry. 

i promised i'd give a review of lainey's first birthday party, so here it is. 

this is outfit number one. custom made from an army wife out in california. i love etsy.com. id much rather give her money than some random store. i loved the bell-bottoms. & halter-top. It was too precious.  
Outfit #2 was a last-minute buy from target. I knew she may get messy with her cake so it was our back-up. The tu-tu was honestly an awkward length, but it was 5 dollars.

cute little party i thought.

I wrote about how worried I was over her cakes.
I have to admit, i wasn't disappointed at all. They were worth every penny. We only paid three small dollars for her smash cake. After I saw it, I immediately thought we should've tipped the lady at least. For a local grocery store they were perfect. Not to mention, they tasted amazing. But I am pregnant, so a lot of things taste amazing.

 I made a thing for her highchair (im not even sure what you would call it). Abby Cadabby is a princess, so  I wanted Lainey to be a princess too. I didnt really get a full picture of it, but I made it out of $5 worth of sheer purple fabric, $3 of pink feather boa, $3 of wide turquoise ribbon, velcro, & a little tape. It was super simple. I actually threw it together 10 minutes before her party.

Lenix wasn't left out. haha the picture of Casey & my belly just tickles me. I hope Lenix looks just like him, because Casey is beautiful to me. 

The weird random picture of my face was taken by my husband while Lainey & I were opening her presents. It made me realize how much makeup I wear & how bad I need a nose job. sheesshhh. It also makes me kind of happy. Because while all the pictures were supposed to be of our daughter, Casey zoomed in to take a picture of his wife. a lot of them.  I'm a super self-conscious person, I'm always hard on myself. I barely ever feel pretty. Every once in awhile I'll use Casey's phone to take pictures of Lainey. I never go threw his phone to look at his pictures, but when I take pictures of Lainey I always go back & review them. I found that my husband takes pictures of me every once in awhile. Me just watching tv, hair in a pony tail, wearing a hoodie & no make-up. (I looked horrible) But he zoomed in to my face and took pictures of me. A few of them were even black & white. I take pictures of things that I find beautiful. That day, he thought I was beautiful enough to take a picture of. -I know this is way off the point of Lainey's birthday but this weird picture of my face means so much to me. Because at that point in time I know, to my husband, I was beautiful. 

                            
 This is a very decent family picture. My friend Cherish took it & I was sooooo excited when I saw it. Even though it was Lainey's cheesy fake smile, At least she was smiling. We have maybe 8 family pictures that are decent. 2 I actually like. So, I was ecstatic over this picture even though I'm super white & my hair was super trashy-gold.

& we ended the day with Lainey taking her nap in our guest bedroom. There were still a few close friends over but we layed down with her & just held her for a few minutes. Just admiring her beauty like she was a portrait we'd never see again. We just took her in, amazed by how much she'd changed in a year's time. holding her head up, sitting up, pulling up, crawling, walking, talking some. We're watching our baby learn & change everyday. All in all, she had a good first birthday. It's bittersweet to me.

just a dose of messiness.

Most of my post have a point or a story.

This one does not. 

It's just about our whole week in general. 

Casey has Mondays off so our week technically starts on Tuesdays.

Tuesday we had to get 6 shots. Princess was not too happy. So it turned into a snuggle day.

Wednesday wasnt much too it, like most of our days. We found out Lainey is anemic, which means she has low iron. Which didn't come as much of a surprise, since I've had iron issues all of my life. We took a nice long stroll around the neighborhood that night. Which was nice. It's nice to get out of the house & do something together as a family. Even if it's just something as simple as walking.

Thursday we played ALL DAY LONG. It was a serious, serious play day. Lainey loves to be chased. I think it gives her a little adrenaline rush, it delights her. Im not too sure if it's a good thing or not. I'll probably be the mom with the "bad influence" child, trying to talk everyone else's kids into jumping off the top of the playground with her. Thursday night we cooked lasagna for supper. (This wasnt the only night i cooked,it's just the only meal i can remember right this second.) Able & Tiffany came over and we watched the Saints game until everyone fell asleep. Today is Friday. We are currently watching Calliou, cooking corndogs, & making a grocery list. Tomorrow is Lainey's birthday party!!! Me&Casey are good little party hosts. Whenever we have people over we like to cook. We also like to have plenty of little party foods. So tonight while daddy is playing X-Box, Mommy will be making monster cookies, a chocolate chip cheese ball, & I'm not even sure what else. I really love to do it. If i could only make Abby Cadabby cookies. 

Abby Cadabby is Lainey's party theme. She's a little fairy from Sesame Street. She has a raspy voice & CANNOT carry a tune in a bucket.  However, my child is fascinated by her. I have an App on my phone just of her songs. Abby can resolve even the severest of fits in this house. Some nights, she even puts Lainey to sleep. This is what Abby looks like: 

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I wish I could say that this is Lainey's gorgeous, perfect birthday cake. But it's not, it clearly says Jamie on it. No really, Her cake will probably be hideous. We waited until Wednesday to even put the cake order in. Why, I have no idea. My husband has so much confidence in the base's commissary, so that is who is making her cake. They did however agree to charge us just $3.00 for her little smash cake.I just pray it's decent. I will always be a perfectionist when it comes to my kids. Abby is a fairy & I wanted so bad to get her a little tu-tu & maybe even wings. Lainey is the only little girl around here though, all her friends are boys. So, I figured all the mom's would be like "WHAT does she have that kid wearing!". We opted for a little halter top outfit. Maybe she'll act decent for at least a few pictures. 

Sunday will be a clean the house until it's spotless day. & Monday my best friend is coming to visit! I am beyond excited. I'm just ready to laugh with her. Finally spend time with someone who finds the same things funny as I do. Maybe we can go take some one year pictures of Lainey. I just cant bring myself to pay for a 30 minute photo session where she may, or may not throw a fit, or take half decent pictures. When I could just do it for free. Expect a post soon with the (hopefully decent) birthday pictures.

ouch mommy!

my baby got her one year shots yesterday. 6 seperate injections.
i guess i was a bit overwhelmed with that number. being that they normally combine them into 2 or 3 shots.
nope. not today. six. my face must've shown how worried it made me because the nurse said "are you going to be okay?" this made me laugh, like i was the one getting the shots. just great, i'm "that mom". the one who freaks out over the smallest things. lainey knew what was taking place as soon as they wiped her big thighs with the alcohol. as soon as the first needle stuck my baby i wanted to jerk her up & hold her as tight as i could. its a bad feeling. looking at your child, laying there held down, in pain. I have a huge deal with her not feeling "abandoned" or "alone". in reality she never really is, but i just never want her to feel that way. seeing her being held down just kills me. her little face get red & her eyes well up with tears, she always finds me. & looks into my eyes as she screams like she's saying "momma, make them stop! pick me up!" that being said, casey always has to be there when we do shots. i cant bring myself to do it. him being there however backfired on me. after her shots, she wanted him. i felt like the lady poked me with the needle, in my heart. im momma! she's supposed to want me! that was my first reaction. & then i watched them, as she nuzzled her face in his neck, he held her tight, & closed his eyes for a second. almost as if he was taking it all in, like i often do. Two seconds later the moment was over as Lainey focused on her band-aids & wanted them off. Casey had to go back to work & lainey had a lot of snuggle time for momma to get started on. As soon as we arrived at home she instantly just wanted to be against me. So, I took yesterday slowly. A day of peace with my baby. Normally, we're running, screaming, playing until we pass out at naptime. Even though I hate she felt bad, i was thankful for the cuddle time & her want to be close to me. I never knew my life would be like this. I never knew I would watch Casey embrace our child, just for two quick seconds & it make my whole day. I never expected to find such small things, so big, or beautiful, or even as a blessing. So I thank the Lord for the slow days. For the days that I get to slow things down, I get to observe my life from a different view. Almost as if  Im on the outside looking in. Seeing how beautiful it really is. All the love i get to witness, be apart of, & feel each and every day.

here's to forever baby

 we had a bad weekend.
thanks to strep throat & a huge supply of pregnant emotions.
as i get more & more pregnant i'm becoming more "needy". i want more attention.
honestly, if casey would sit here & pet me like i was a pomeranian puppy, i think i'd glow like a night light.
he loves to play golf and i used to think it was a social thing. in the town we come from, golf isn't really a sport, it's a social event. everyone frequents the country club, drinks a little beer, tans by the pool, plays a few holes. but it's not like that here. he really just enjoys it. he doesn't have to drink beer while he does it (however, he'd like to sometimes) he just likes to play. & god bless him, he doesn't just tell me he's going to play. he asks for my permission. just to make sure.
getting back to the point, this weekend he had asked me if he could go, i told him sure. i woke up the next morning as sick as that pomeranian puppy i said i wanted to be. lainey was sick, i was sick, i didn't want to be alone, & i was sick of golf. needless to say, my pregnant emotions took over. 8 o'clock that morning i was upset that he left when i was sick, by 8o'clock that night i was upset about the way the stars were shining & my poor husband never once told me to shut up. (he should & could have.)
the next day we spent the day together. night came around & he wanted to go to his friend's house for awhile. he left and my pregnant, needy, selfish self made an appearance once again. he came home & we proceeded to have the biggest fight we have had in our almost-a-year marriage.
no one will ever understand our relationship. fighting is almost good for us. once it happens & one of us breaks, our relationship gets stronger from it. there is no one in this world who knows me better than casey & vice versa. there are sides to us that we've never shown to anyone else. not our parents, siblings, best of friends, ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. our relationship is just like that. no one in their right minds will ever be able to comprehend or understand it.  i think that is one reason we've never been able to stay away from each other. the connection has just been there from the beginning. before i even had my learner's permit.
looking back, friday & saturday were just horrible. but sunday & monday were some of the best days of my life. just spending time with each other. genuine time just being grateful to have each other. the love i have for my family is unreal. i just sit back & look at casey and lainey, i dont know how i ever felt complete without them.
i've heard the first year of marriage is the hardest. i must admit, it hasnt really been all that hard.but we did do things a little unorthodox. baby, marriage, move in together, another baby, deployment.   we had never lived together until we had been married for 2 months. not only that, but when we fight, we have no family to run to. We're stuck here to work it out. which has probally helped us so much. anybody who knows us on a personal level, knows that Casey & I are notorious for our fights & we've been through more together than most couples celebrating their 10th anniversary have.
that being said, i am so thankful to have someone like him. someone i know without a doubt, no matter how bad it gets, he's gonna be here for me. he's already seen me down & out, even seen me at my worst. so no matter how hard it gets, how far away the military takes us away from family, or even how far they take him away from me & our babies, the rings on our fingers are there for a reason. we're in it for the long haul. i'll skype, email, call, or even snail mail him until the cows come home.
sometimes all it takes is one bad weekend to make you realize that you are the happiest you have ever been. still.