ouch mommy!

my baby got her one year shots yesterday. 6 seperate injections.
i guess i was a bit overwhelmed with that number. being that they normally combine them into 2 or 3 shots.
nope. not today. six. my face must've shown how worried it made me because the nurse said "are you going to be okay?" this made me laugh, like i was the one getting the shots. just great, i'm "that mom". the one who freaks out over the smallest things. lainey knew what was taking place as soon as they wiped her big thighs with the alcohol. as soon as the first needle stuck my baby i wanted to jerk her up & hold her as tight as i could. its a bad feeling. looking at your child, laying there held down, in pain. I have a huge deal with her not feeling "abandoned" or "alone". in reality she never really is, but i just never want her to feel that way. seeing her being held down just kills me. her little face get red & her eyes well up with tears, she always finds me. & looks into my eyes as she screams like she's saying "momma, make them stop! pick me up!" that being said, casey always has to be there when we do shots. i cant bring myself to do it. him being there however backfired on me. after her shots, she wanted him. i felt like the lady poked me with the needle, in my heart. im momma! she's supposed to want me! that was my first reaction. & then i watched them, as she nuzzled her face in his neck, he held her tight, & closed his eyes for a second. almost as if he was taking it all in, like i often do. Two seconds later the moment was over as Lainey focused on her band-aids & wanted them off. Casey had to go back to work & lainey had a lot of snuggle time for momma to get started on. As soon as we arrived at home she instantly just wanted to be against me. So, I took yesterday slowly. A day of peace with my baby. Normally, we're running, screaming, playing until we pass out at naptime. Even though I hate she felt bad, i was thankful for the cuddle time & her want to be close to me. I never knew my life would be like this. I never knew I would watch Casey embrace our child, just for two quick seconds & it make my whole day. I never expected to find such small things, so big, or beautiful, or even as a blessing. So I thank the Lord for the slow days. For the days that I get to slow things down, I get to observe my life from a different view. Almost as if  Im on the outside looking in. Seeing how beautiful it really is. All the love i get to witness, be apart of, & feel each and every day.