take me home.

i am so ready to go home.

probably once every two months the house wife stuff just gets to me.

it's not that i dont  appreciate my husband working long hours every day to allow me to stay at home with our baby. i love that about him & i love that he rarely ever complains. i know that i wont always be able to be here with them. day care is very near in our future. mommy has got to either get back in school or make some money. im not happy not "bettering myself". i want my children to have a mom they can be proud of.

back to the point, some days im not too far from a mental breakdown. I've made excuses to go to the grocery store just to breathe for 5 minutes & not have to worry about lainey eating anything hazardous, playing in brodey's dog bowl, pulling all the dvd's down one by one, etc. i would absolutely love just to get in my car & drive for hours. & just breathe. just saying that makes me feel so selfish. every second with her is a blessing & i know that.

 but i would cherish the opportunity to just sit with one of my friends just to have an adult conversation. or the chance to just hug my mother & feel her near me. or just to drive around all the roads i know so well, there's just something comforting to me about being there.   i hate living this far away. so far that to come home we have to plan & save months in advance. i pray the Lord will one day put us closer. way closer. 

bffs, for now.

we have this thing if we make eye contact, regardless of where either of us are in the room, we'll both stare for a bit. & then one of us will laugh. 

she's so grown to be one.

it breaks my heart. but at the same time, this has been the best year of my life.

i know our relationship won't be this perfect forever. 

one day she'll be too cool for me. to cool to just laugh with momma. so, i soak every second of it up.

we also play every single day before naptime.

i sure hope little brother learns how to play quick. forget crawling, just learn to laugh.

laughter is really the only thing mandatory in our house. we all just play.

i guess mommies are really just big little girls.

 or at least this one is.

 i woke up before her. 

a lot before her, i watched tv for awhile. 

& then i just watched her. just watched her be.

i captured her beauty.

 & she caught me. 

this picture is actually her first two seconds of being awake. 

im not sure if you can tell it, but she is smiling.

because she woke up & i was there. 

she does this every single morning, she's just happy we're here.

she's happy to be mine. 

 how could i possibly complain about anything, when i have this angel, that is just happy to "be". it shows me there's so much more to life. the little things in reality, are the big things, the huge things. her crooked smile, her frizzy hair, her passy ring pressed into her cheek, all reasons she's beautiful.
all reasons for me to strive to be a better mother. because she deserves the best.

because she is the best.

                                                                   

yesterday my husband took us to a little cafe' about 30 miles off base.

it had about 6 tables & a little old lady cooking.

complete hole-in-the-wall place. best hamburger i've ever ate.

when we were walking in casey says, i bet they don't have a highchair.

we walk in, look around, & see this antique highchair in the corner.

it made my heart smile so big to put lainey in it.

i thought of the baby it must've belonged to when it was new, so many decades ago.

all of the children that have enjoyed a meal in it since. probably so, so many.

not only did she get to be apart of just a wee-bit of history, but she also had her first grilled cheese. 

many more to come, i'm sure. 

messy education.

 everyday she just amazes me.

this morning she woke me up at about 7, so we've been up playing ever since.

she likes to plunder in things. i suppose its just all apart of being a baby.

being curious & eager to learn. I pray that she never loses a single ounce of curiosity. 

some say curiosity killed the cat. but we're not cats.

as long as she is curious & learning, i will be happy.

i look forward to the day she's old enough to do crafts. 

i already have some shoeboxes & papertowel rolls saved. 

im so glad that i get to be her teacher. i have the oppurtunity to start her out on the right foot.

to teach her learning is fun & empowering. 

we recently "child proofed" the kitchen cabinets, leaving the door the tupperware is in unlocked. 

she takes them out, stacks them up, puts them back in. & loves it. 

 one day I'll be able to teach her to tell time, to tie her shoes, to identify colors & letters of the alphabet.

for now I let her look at the pictures on the bookshelf & strow tupperware about. 

saw this on a friends blog. so, ill give it a try.

1. TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF & YOUR FAMILY.
We're the Dale's. Just a little blonde haired, blue-eyed, big hearted family. We're currently hundreds & hundreds of miles from any of our family. But we do it for everyone's freedom & it continues to make us a stronger family by the day. My husband is my highschool sweetheart & God made us for each other. Our daughters name is Lainey. She has the most beautiful eyes & the most outgoing personality I've ever seen a one year old have. Our second child will be born in December, He has no name yet. We are about to go threw (& survive) our first deployment. We like to eat supper together every night. We all sleep in the same bed. & We all say our prayers, more than once, daily.

2. WHY DO YOU BLOG?
Well, to be honest, I don't know. I have no friends or family that does it. I just saw a "mommy blog" one day & figured why not? Now I'm a blogger. Our family doesn't really get to ever see Lainey besides via Facebook, so it's just another way for them to see into her life a bit more. Also, I use it to vent. Sometimes to just get out a little creative expression. I think it's healthy for every soul to be creative once in awhile. I cant sing, or paint, but I can type. I think that sums it up.

3. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PARENTING? (OLD SCHOOL, STRICT, LAID BACK, ETC.)
I don't label my parenting. Not yet anyways. Lainey & I are growing, learning, & mending daily.  When she was born I had never even changed a diaper. I know that I will be a paranoid parent, that is evident. It's hard for me to even go to the grocery store & leave her here with her own father. Not that I don't trust him or question his parental abilities, but she is my world. Also, I know that if anything were to happen to her and if she wasn't with me, I would blame myself & not the person who was caring for her at the time. That's just how I am.  Some say everything changes with your second child, & I can imagine that it will. Maybe then I will be more laid back. Have the "worry after it happens" mentality that I've seen some parents have.  I do know that I will never like my children to be around water, & I will always have a fear of them choking. A year ago, I never would've known that. So ask me this question in a year & I may have a complete different opinion.

4. WHAT WAS YOUR HARDEST ADJUSTMENT TO BECOMING A NEW PARENT?
I didn't have a "hardest". To me, its just things that you suck up & get over it.
examples: Not enough sleep? Your baby needed you to put her to sleep.
Cant go out with your friends? you're a mom, you don't get to go out.
Cant wash your hair everyday? I'd give up every bit of my hair, just for my child to be happy.
My daughter instantly became my life the very second I held her in my arms. My selfish, carefree, stubborn life was over. I live for her, for her happiness.  There are times where I will see pictures of my friends on facebook & they'll be out at the bar, or just hanging out & I do have moments where I wish I could be with them. But then I look at my daughter & I know that the love I have with her is something that they don't have. So, in reality, Im not missing out on anything. I have it all.

5. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT MAKES YOU A UNIQUE PARENT?
Not yet I don't think. Like I mentioned above, we're changing everyday. Not having my little girl on a schedule is probably the most unique thing I've done. I pretty much play it by the book, as of now.


6.WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE GREATEST JOY OF BEING A PARENT?
Everything. every smile, every "mama", every bathtime, every bedtime.  I cannot wait to spend the next 20 years raising my children. Watching them grow into what they will be. Teaching them everything from walking,  to tee-teeing in the potty, to loving our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ. All of the Christmases, Birthdays, Halloweens. I cant single out one "greatest joy". Because it's an everyday thing. It's a 24/7 job & it pays out happiness, joy, & love. I absolutely love being Lainey's mother. & I cant wait to be "new baby's" mommy too.
7.ANY PARENTAL ADVICE?
Don't complain when older, experienced parents give you advice about your child. I love to listen to stories & advice form anyone. Every piece of advice is different & usually people speak from experience. I will never stop learning in my life. Every day presents a new task, a new experience, new knowledge.  You don't have to follow the advice people give you. But always take everything into consideration. It's always different from the outside looking in.  

good night & god bless.

one thing i wish for my daughter, is to have friends like I do.
I used to think friends were the people you spend the most time with everyday.
with age & experience, I've learned that isnt the case.
A best friend isnt someone you've spent everyday with over the summer, A best friend is someone you've spent the whole summer without, but you're still just as close as if you had.

I have three best friends. Three friends that I really haven't gotten to spend much time with over the past few years. But at the end of the day, if I call they answer. I don't even live within driving distance of them, but if something were to happen, I would load my baby up in the car & we would go. Because for each mile there is between us, there is a memory that means so much more.

Im not real sure what contributes to a friendship to make a bond that strong. A bond to last against time.  I'm not sure if it was the nights we stayed up just laughing, maybe it was the fights we shared, or all the tears we've shed on each others shoulders. In highschool we were inseparable. They've gotten me threw so much. My parents divorce, my mamow passing, break ups. All of my heartaches were easier when I was with them even if we were just ridding, singing our hearts out to sugarland or taylor swift. After I had Lainey I hit the lowest point in my life. I was a wreck. I didnt even have the courage to show my face & they were still there for me.

Before I got pregnant with Lainey, we didnt hang out for about a year. But when it came time for my babyshower, they were there. The day I gave birth to my daughter, they were there within hours.  Now as I look back I realize that they've always been there.  We're all growing. Growing in different ways, different directions, but I hope to always have them in my phonebook. To grab a bite to eat with, to spend a drunken night with, or maybe just to call & cry if needed. I wish I couldve had a real wedding, just so they couldve been my bridesmaids. When the day comes that they get married, I pray that I will be able to be there.& The day they have their own children.   I hope for our kids are able to play together, like we did. Lainey will probably be their children's babysitter, since I started a little early.


They know my secrets. They know my faults. they know what my but looks like, my husand hasnt even had a whole glimpse of my butt. & no matter how many miles are between us, or how much time has passed since we've shared a laugh, a hug, or even looked at each other, my love & appreciation for them will never change. Other friends will come & go, maybe even best friends, but I dont think I will ever have as many memories, or the lasting connection like I have with them.

 Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss.

 "True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."

 I will always be there for you, through the good times and the bad, the smooth and the rough, or just any other time you need somebody ... Just look for me, and I'll be there for you

 "It is better to be in chains with friends , than to be in a garden with strangers." 

 Friends are like wedgies. They're intimately close. They know you're inner self. And it feels great when you pick out a good one

A friend is someone who accepts your past, supports your present and encourages your future.

 Making a thousand friends a year is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend who stands by you for a thousand years.

 "I don't remember how we happened to meet each other. I don't remember who got along with whom first. All I can remember is all of us together...always."

 A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still gently allows you to grow

 "You cannot say you've lost a friend. If a friendship is capable of ending, it is because it never existed." 

 The best friend you can have is one you can sit on the porch with and not say a word, then get up and feel like that was the best conversation you've ever had

 A true friend is always be there when the whole world left you, he always cheers you up when the whole world has turned you down and he never asks you to act like an angel but he becomes your angel

 "Friends are like pillars on your porch. Sometimes they hold you up and sometimes they lean on you." 

 A friend is someone who can see the truth and the pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else

 Friends are like stars, you can't always see them but you know that they're there

 In the end, you always go back to the people that were there in the beginning

 Memories last forever, never do they die. Friends stay together, never say goodbye.

The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart

 Friendship is the bond when the ties between two cannot be worn, where selfishness is out of question, and emotion is an art of devotion

 Friends are like fat thighs ... they always keep in touch.

 True friends don't judge you by your actions, they stay with you when no one else will.

 To find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing

Best friends are like a favorite pair of blue jeans; they get better with time.

 A ring is round and has no end, that's how long I want to be your friend

 True friends are like angels. They are precious and rare, and false friends are like leaves, found everywhere

 years from now i wont remember every friday night or the things that more us laugh so hard till our stomachs hurt but... i will always remember that, you were the ones who were there

 "Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life."

 "Do not save your loving speeches

For your friends till they are dead;

Do not write them on their tombstones,

Speak them rather now instead.

 "Time isn't what makes a friendship last...It's love and devotion that keeps the tie between souls." 

 "A person is only complete when she has a true friend to understand her, to share all her passions and sorrows with, and to stand by her throughout her life." 

 "I'd like to be the sort of friend that you have been to me. I'd like to be the help that you've been always glad to be; I'd like to mean as much to you each minute of the day, as you have meant, old friend of mine, to me along the way."

thank you? so much more than thank you.

Two weeks will make it a year. 

A year since my life became worth living.

I would read mother's words, as they wrote about their children, about their journey- it was so incomprehensible to me. how could someone find it "okay" to change "#2 diapers". how spit up was okay to wear like if it was an accessory. two hours of sleep would be considered sufficient? what had i gotten myself into?  

i don't think i've ever worked as hard as i have this past year. I cant remember what it's like to choose which position i sleep in, to take a long bath- uninterrupted, or to eat a meal without first considering another's hunger.

and it's all a beautiful place to find yourself in. selfishness, the kind you didnt even know dwelt within you, is pulled out like a string by a beautiful little girl. the amazing happiness my heart feels when she says mama, or by just watching her smile at her daddy.

the feeling that rushed throughout my body, heart, & soul when i first gazed into her eyes. the way my heart flutters when her frizzy head lifts from the pillow each morning just to smile at her mother. 

that is what life is about.

and it all comes from the lord. who has saved me, made my heart new, blessed me with this undeniable happiness, welcomed me into an eternal family to dwell in an everlasting city, with a resurrected body - to forever gaze upon His beauty.

this is my life.

the love i have for lainey. the closeness & happiness i have with casey. the joy i find in our family. the excitement & wonder that comes with this new baby.- these are only a small glimpse of what is to come in my life.

how blessed i am to have this. to never deserve it, not even worthy of anything close to it . but the Lord has given it all. 

thank you. 

the words dont even seem sufficient.    

praise the lord & his love for his children, his gracious gift to share that love with us. 

no one is worthy, but yet we all are blessed with this amazing gift.